selfish
(n.) (of a person, action or motive) lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.
written by ella smith
Too many people buy things they don’t need with money they don’t have trying to impress people they don’t even like. And for what? Improved likability? No, fuck that. Why be an external version of yourself for people that bring nothing to your life? It’s the year of being selfish, girls, and that’s a cause for celebration.
In a world full of greed and narcissism, we are associated with shameless self-promotion, selfies and self-display on an online world where we’re all obsessed with ourselves! Being selfish has always had a bad name, “oh you’re being so selfish” seems like such an insult. But look at it from a different perspective, why is thinking of yourself, putting yourself first and loving yourself such a bad thing? Why put each other down for knowing, accepting and loving yourself? At the end of the day, you are here with one life, and one life only. And ultimately, that life is yours.
Then there is what I like to call “neutral selfishness.” Neutral selfishness includes looking after your own well-being in ways that do not directly and substantially involve other people. If I take five minutes to brush my teeth to avoid the ill effects of tooth and gum disease, this is a form of neutral selfishness. In looking after my dental hygiene, I am neither taking away from someone’s well-being nor adding to it. The same would be true if I take 10 minutes every morning to meditate.
I know there are people who might nit-pick about whether there are really any neutral selfish behaviours. Some will say that I could have used the five minutes I spent brushing my teeth or 10 minutes I spent meditating to assist people at a homeless shelter. There are always people in need, so any behaviour designed for my own benefit takes time away from what I could be doing to benefit others.
But, as the self-care movement has pointed out, how much help can I be to others if I don’t look after my own physical and psychological health first? Taking care of myself puts me in a better position to do things that benefit others.
Therefore, I continue to believe that some selfish behaviours are nearly neutral; they do not immediately help or harm others. They may represent time taken away from directly helping others, but they also put me in better condition to help others.
It’s no secret that typically when a female is confronted with an accusation such as selfish — our go-to defence mechanism is to apologise.
We are made to believe that by putting ourselves first, those we are meant to care for come second and, as such, are being let down. It’s troubling that our society has come to the point where the connotation of a word can strike fear into our conscience to the point where we question our own choices and morality.
People have truly come to believe that we must sacrifice a piece of ourselves in order to be considered good people. But what good can you do if your own personal happiness is in the balance—constantly striving to appease others?
“Sometimes you have to be selfish to be selfless.” — Edward Albert
The reality is that to be truly happy, you need to put “you” first sometimes. If that means being selfish, do so with a smile on your face. Am I saying to ignore others or how they feel, always choose yourself or become completely inconsiderate 100-percent of the time? Absolutely not — life is about balance.
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