You know the saying right, "be careful what you wish for"? It's a saying that many of us have heard of, but don't realise the true impact and power it has within it. That’s because everything you see projected from your eyes is an illusion culminated by everything that creates it — including us.
Toxic people are master manipulators, and go beyond what is normal logic. Some are blissfully unaware of the negative impact that they are having on those around them, and others seem to flourish with satisfaction from the chaos and destruction they are causing. Either way, it is a type of person that isn't needed, and worthy, of your own personal time.
I've told myself time and time again, that I refuse to be the nice girl selfish people and narcissists cling onto for their own satisfaction and gratification. The girl that gives them power to manipulate their surroundings to portray a "better" version of themselves. When really, I'm a scapegoat for them to appear "nice" when really, they are very far from it. I refuse to allow people to take what they want from me, but not in return, give back a balanced and fair respect. And I certainly refuse to not acknowledge my worth anymore by staying in toxic relationships and friendships that reinforce the lack of action I had in paying attention to my needs, my heart, and my mind.
The world is an outer projection of ourselves. What we ask, we shall receive in some form or another as we project and shift our reality to create it.
So when I declared to the universe and decided it was time for a change, and to rid (in the almost nicest possible way) the relationships that brought negative attributes to my life, the universe delivered. Because that's what happens, we get what we put out.
Now, if you were to Google traits of a toxic person and / or a narcissist to see if you too, have been dealing with them in your own life, you will see traits such as:
- Attention Seekers, sound familiar to somebody you know? Check.
- Every conversation is about them? Or somehow manages to end that way? Check.
- An expectation of special treatment? Woa, all too familiar, right? Check.
- Constantly finding difficulty in maintaining relationships? Ironically, check.
- Manipulative and judgemental? I'm sure you've had the brunt of that, too. Check.
- Never taking responsibility. You're picturing somebody in mind now, aren't you? Check.
- Finding that you have to defend yourself or prove yourself? Yep, also check.
- They LOVE the role of playing victim? Yep, had my fair share of those types of people. Check.
Now that's just a few traits I can personally think of and have dealt with from people throughout this journey we like to call life. And if you find yourself resonating with any of the points, then you my friend are not only on the right article, but are about embark on a great transition to create a much better life for yourself. Because who's really at a loss here? Certainly not you. Good-ridden we shall all say!
This isn't to say that you should abandon everybody in your life who relates to those traits. We can all relate to one of the traits from time to time, it's merely to pause for a moment and to ask yourself if there are people around you who would actually be better off out of your life, or for those 'friends' that seem to put us down for absolutely no reason, other than to gain and maintain control.
It can take time for you to make this decision, you may be thinking of your best friend, a partner, or somebody very close to you. But that's not to say it's impossible. Change is important, and the welfare of your own life, is more important. Why continue with relationships that bring you down and make your experience of life far from exciting? What is the point of maintaining a relation just for 'the sake of it?'. There isn't. Because sometimes in life, you have to be selfish and think of yourself... in a non-toxic way. And if that means saying goodbye to the people that bring you no real benefit, then so be it. Because rather than being surrounding by these types of people, you could be surrounded by great, amazing, like-minded people who make your days on earth that little bit more exhilarating and stimulating.
I have come up with a few (successful) ways to help you find the good in goodbye:
Take some time to think on it
By this, I mean, if upon reading this you find yourself thinking of a toxic person in your life, don't give a knee-jerk reaction and completely cut them off there and then. You should sleep on it and prepare yourself physically and emotionally first to get yourself into mindset of accepting the existing behaviour - or setting out for a change - and being prepared to walk away from what is keeping you down.
Establish and Maintain Boundaries
When you get the sense that actually, something isn't right, run through your mental boundaries. Upon establishing that it is time for a change, it is important to set boundaries. Whether that be the beginning of the disassociation or simply talking to them and telling them how you feel. But be aware, they most likely will not change - they are master manipulators after all.
Distance
Depending on your situation, distance is key. Creating a barrier of distance through, for example, the use of social media, by unfollowing them will allow you to maintain privacy and control of your life. By seeing them less regularly permits the transition to be a little easier for yourself, and them.
However, if like me, you're literally surrounded by them and distance cannot be established. Vocalise how you are feeling, and depending on how they respond, can be your one-way ticket out of there! If they respond negatively, then not only do you know you are doing the right thing, but this will allow for distance to build. But, if they take on board what you say, firstly do not be fooled - it's most likely an act or controlling trait - then be prepared to manually lessen the amount of time you spend with them. Spend more time with your better friends who truly appreciate you, and the distance and breakdown of the relationship will come naturally.
Choose Your Battles
This is my most used phrase when giving advice. Always choose your battles carefully and wisely. You do not need to engage in an argument they may start when you decide to cut them from your life. Instead, focus your time and energy elsewhere, like on yourself or on other aspects of your life.
You do not need to fight every battle that crosses your path, only choose the battles that you really care about, to spend less time manifesting in negativity.
Surround Yourself with Healthy Relationships
Lastly, removing people from your life may be painful and stressful, and may hurt you. But ultimately, you have done what is best for yourself and your well-being. Keep in contact with the people you know are great and a positive attribute to your life. Surround yourself with happiness and inspiration, because at the end of the day, and not to sound too cliche, you only have one life - so spend that life being the best version of yourself. Happy, inspired, powerful and better yet, a great friend and partner to others.
Unfortunately not everyone can be saved by love and kindness, and it isn't your job to create change in a person either. Even if it’s a close family member, it’s okay to end a toxic relationship without guilt. It’s not easy, but it might be the healthiest decision you ever make.
I learned that it’s okay to be a nice person who cares deeply for others, but that I can choose better people to shower my love onto that will appreciate it. I learned that who we surround ourselves with are truly the people that energetically influence our life. We are who we keep close to us.
And most of all, I’ve learned to appreciate other people in my life who deserved more of my time and energy but didn’t receive it because I was engulfed in the never ending black hole of those toxic relationships.
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