eliminate the hate
written by ella smith
the thing with us females, is that we are less likely to become friends with someone who could be perceived as a sexual rival. A number of studies show that, unlike men, women will often dislike one another for no real logical reason at all. So, what’s the issue here? Why are us girls hating one another when really, we should be coming together to support one another?
women love to give out back-handed compliments to each other, sarcastic remarks are also up there with the way we communicate, as well as “resting-bitch-face” stares. Whilst guys seem to just carry on with their seemingly bottomless supply of team spirit. Men have an undiscussed bro-code, whereas we women have an Alien vs. Predator style arch-rivalry.
Of all insults directed at women, slut is probably the most common. In her Ted X Youth talk, Caroline Heldman spoke of the reason women subject each other to such criticism. “its habit”, she said. “Traditionally, the only bargaining power women ever had lay in their sexuality.”
if you think about what we were all subjected to whilst growing up, you’ll begin to realise an ever-growing pattern. Just think of all the Disney princesses we grew up watching. From Ariel to Cinderella, not a single one of them ever had a female friend. In fact, if there were ever a female present, they were either villains or rivals.
Yes feminism has brought women a long way from the generational gender norms of what once was. However it seems as though girl-hate has flown rather elegantly under the radar. The most likelihood of reasons for this, is because women are still to this day sexually objectified. We are still teaching girls that the greatest thing they have to offer is their sexuality.
every Disney princess had one role to play – that of the lonely lost girl who needed to be saved by a handsome prince who too, found her and her vulnerability irresistible. And to break it down even further, if your value as a human being is measured by where you fall on the “hotness” scale, then inevitably your insecurities are going to sky-rocket, thus any relationship building between women will ultimately be overshadowed, especially if you feel she is more attractive than you are.
Until we ourselves can figure out how to think of ourselves as more than an assortment of body parts of varying degrees of attractiveness, then girl-hate will remain one of the last challenges women are facing today.
with that in mind, here is a 3-part list of how we can eliminate the hate.
i will wear what I want, when I want. I will eat what I want, when I want, and I will sleep with whoever I want, when I want. And will let other girls do the same, without judgement.
i will stop equating femininity with weakness. I will stop looking for reasons to hate other girls I meet, and stop seeing them as a competition or a threat.
i will no longer mistake self-comparison for “inspiration”.
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